No Time For Heroics

A podcast about superhero movies, and some not-so-super hero movies. A funny, critical look at heroic fiction on screen from Republic serials to Imax blockbusters. If tights, capes, and close reads of pop culture are your thing, you're in the right place. New episode every Tuesday!
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Mar 29, 2016

On this episode, Andrew gets to realize a lifelong ambition and prove that the short-lived 1984 cult(?) cartoon Turbo-Teen actually existed! Spoilers? It did.

Did anyone remember this show existed except for Andrew and David Willis? How good a scientist was Charles Bronson? Has there ever, EVER in the history of television been a better title on an episode than 'Dark Rider and the Wolves of Doom'?  What does the reality of a boy who IS his car say about our own awareness of the self and extended cognition in the context of vehicular operation?

Thanks to this episode, No Time for Heroics broke the world record for most mentions of Robot Man and Friends on a podcast! One! Join us for a who's who of obscure '80s cartoon references, and a special appearance by Ronald Reagan! 


Mar 22, 2016

On this episode we get to torture Andrew by making him once again watch 2013's DC cinematic universe founding slobbery smish-fest, Man of Steel!

Is it possible to make a good Superman movie without a superhero in it? Does it add a lot to Jor El's character to have him do HALO drops from a dragon (electric guitar squeal)? And speaking of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, could it be a better idea to just debut a universe of familiar heroes in two movies rather than stretch it out for five or six of varying quality?

All this, plus a movie that dislikes Superman makes the best Superman injoke ever made! PS: We're spoiling Miracleman for you this episode too, amongst the usual stuff we spoil every episode. One thing we haven't spoiled? Spoiler, who got killed by a power drill. Oh, shoot...

Mar 15, 2016

The guys polish off Marvel Phase One with Iron Man 2!

How the hell does the presence of a single, highly assassinateable superhero result in total world peace? Wouldn't you be in a lot more trouble than this movie seems to think if your blood was 56% something other than blood? Could we not have had an awesome garagepunk, Mythbusters-esque scene of Tony Stark inventing failed cures until finally finding the right one instead of a Walt Disney ex machina? Do these movies have a grudge with Gwyneth Paltrow, or just girls in general?

All that and the No Time for Heroics winning fight prediction between Mike Tyson vs a Car. Plus, Where do you rank Iron Man 2 in the Marvel Phase One Scale? The No Time for Heroics answer might surprise you!

Mar 8, 2016

No Time for Heroics is going back to the source and checking out the first superhero to ever make the leap from page to screen in 1941's The Adventures of Captain Marvel. 

What's the theology of an american superhero with Judeo-Hellenic powers coming from an Egyptian tomb in Siam? What do Billy Batson's friends and Downton Abbey have in common? Have we improved on superhero movies in the last seventy years since this came out? Oh man, what if we haven't? There's suddenly a lot of pressure on this episode. Yikes.

I'll be back in a sec, I've gotta go deliver this scorpion to the Scorpion. He's over on the peak of the Scorpion. Hope he doesn't get stung. It's bee season.


Mar 1, 2016

On this episode, Caroline Fulford of the Loose Canon Podcast is here to calmly talk us down off the ledge we got out on when we accidentally caught sight of 2004's Halle Berry-starring Catwoman.

Is this Catwoman just a closet Cosmo Sex Tip writer? Could a thesis based entirely on immortal magical cat magic stand up to peer review? Is the moral of this story that women can never truly be free of patriarchy unless they get superpowers? And why the hell is this the only female-centric superhero movie of the twenty-first century?

Only the host of Loose Canon can helps us survive the most loosely canonical movie of them all!

Plus: Anthony uses Catwoman to curse his friends! WHAT A PAL.

Feb 23, 2016

FANTASTIC FEBRUARY comes to a close with what's been called the best Fantastic Four movie yet made, 2004's Fantastic Fourless The Incredibles!

Is it possible to do a classic, upbeat superhero movie that isn't set decades ago? What do Syndrome and Kylo Ren have in common? Is Brad Bird a closet Objectivist?Does this movie have the most subtle takedown of stereotypical gender roles we've seen?

Join us for perhaps the most in-depth episode into what makes a superhero tick that we've had on the show. Plus: Anthony likes a CG movie? No probably not!

Feb 16, 2016

On this third installment of Fantastic February, Mark Denine from Escape Quest joins us as we slog through the movie that leeches all sense of the fantastic out of the world, 2015's Fant4stic Four.

Why does everyone look down and pout when they are being addressed? Is Dr. Doom made cooler and more hip because he's been transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop? Could Sue Storm be almost as good as Anthony at Mike Tyson's Punch-Out? Speaking of which, has Anthony ever been this angry about a movie before?

This is a rough one, folks, taking our heroes to the very brink of sanity, stamina and sad-sackery. But make sure to listen till the end of the episode for a special escape room offer from Escape Quest for No Time for Heroics listeners! At least there's some good to come out of this thing...

Feb 9, 2016

For the next quarter-portion of FANTASTIC FEBRUARY, we're taking a close look at the movie that stopped it all, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer!

Being a sequel in which Revelations about the Rise cause a Revolution, which leads to a Fall. Of the franchise. Will there be a Return? or a Revenge of? No.

Why are the preposterous contact lenses on Sue Storm the least objectionably sexist thing about her character? Is adapting Galactus as a featureless cloud just the cinematic equivalent of Wite-Out? And we agree with Johnny, how DO Thing and Alicia... y'know...

Charge up your satellite dish and beam this episode to your PDA, cause it's the FUTURE damnit! And we've got to get all this science stuff done before all the women folk make us get married. HURRY!



Jan 30, 2016

This episode we launch FANTASTIC FEBRUARY a month of mighty (and minor) Marvel movies featuring the first family of funnybooks. And let me tell you, we've got a few Things to watch. 

We're starting with the movie that failed to start it all, the 1994 unreleased, Roger Corman produced The Fantastic Four!

Have we uncovered a B-movie Marvel Cinematic Universe shared between this and Captain America II: Death too Soon? Why hasn't anyone done Police Academy: Xavier's School for Mutants yet? And let's be honest... how much better would this movie had been if Reed married Doom at the end.

We've got four big episodes featuring the fouringest heroes around! Check us out on facebook, and remember to help out the show by rating and reviewing it on whatever platform you found us!

Jan 26, 2016

On this episode film and media scholar Jill Butler joins us to check in with our ol' Uncle Sam, and see who must surely be the most primary Avenger of them all in Captain America: The First Avenger!

Is this the only superhero movie in this so-called golden age of superhero movies with damn superhero in it? What's with all this Hydra stuff? Weren't there some other bad guys we were fighting back then? #notmyworldwarII And hey Marvel what's wrong? Not MAN enough to call your Cosmic Cube a Cosmic Cube? 

Do you want to kill Nazis? Well too bad, there aren't any in this movie. We asked for an army, and all we got was yeeu. All we got was EEEEEyoooooo. Sorry, I've been trying to say it like Tommy Lee Jones all night and it's just not happening. 


Jan 19, 2016

Someone figure out the secret of the ooze, because No Time for Heroics is diving face first into a pile of mutant madness with the very first X-Men movie!

No, not that one. This ain't yer snikty-bamf X-Men, okay? This is the grungy, angsty, you-don't-understand-me-dad teen X-Men featured in Fox's movie of the week 1996's Generation X!

Did Matt Frewer just eye Jim Carrey's career and say "Why not me?" Did the screenwriters just eye Jim Carrey in Batman Forever and say "Why not us?" Did Jim Carrey ever eye this scene where Jubilee has to strip to get a body scan and say "Why the hell is this scene happening?" Cause that's what we did. 

Okay, this isn't the "first" X-Men movie, but it certainly has the seed of that idea. You might say, it was the... inception of an X-Men franchise. In fact you could say following up on this movie was a dream crime. Or that it was starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Except that last part.

Jan 12, 2016

Welcome to Star-Lord Minute. It's the super-sized titanic cosmic team-up show, as No Time for Heroics welcomes Star Wars Minute hosts Pete the Retailer and Alex Robinson to discuss the most superheroic space opera of them all, 2014's Guardians of the Galaxy!

Could the planet Morag be in the same star system as the forest moon of Endor? Will we ever get closer than this to seeing a movie staring Eson the Searcher? Is Thanos ever going to get out of that chair he's been in for a dozen movies now? 

All this and the true identity of Star-Lord's father! Then, head over to Star Wars Minute and listen to Pete and Alex bravely match wits with Jar Jar Binks as they tackle the Star Wars Prequels one minute at a time. They fight so we don't have to!


Jan 5, 2016

This muck-encrusted mockery of a podcast we take a look at Wes Craven's pre-Nightmare on Elm Street DC Comics adaptation Swamp Thing.


Is Alec Holland married to his sister in this? Why couldn't we have an awesome "Swamp Thing and Jude" spin off? Does Bruno's shirt possess an animalistic thirst for survival at the end of the movie? Who are any of these people?


This podcast is played as intricately and precisely as a perfect game played by a genius chess master. So jam it in your ears and lets visit the rubberiest of heroes, Swamp Thing!

Dec 22, 2015

The thing about podcasts is sometimes they're true, and this week the guys truly went to hell and back watching Ghost Rider (2007).

Why is Eva Mendes acting like she has the mind of a three-year-old in this movie? Is this movie just messing with us by saying stuff like "demons can't go on holy ground" and cutting to a bunch of demons going to church? Why isn't Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider a sure-fire recipe for movie gold?

I was going to finish the rest of this blog entry, but this is as far as I go. From here out, you're on your own or whatever. Welp. See ya!

Dec 15, 2015

Enter into our Clown-Bird-Ice-Lair and help us flush it and flaunt it as the guys watch 1992's Christmas classic, Batman Returns.

Why does this movie have a bigger budget than the first one but only one set? You meet a psycho-murderer crime boss who's very sensitive about his bird-like deformities and all you think to do is give him a raw fish like he's a seal? Is this entire movie just an extended meditation on oppression by, and aspiring to, authority? 

In all seriousness though? As great as Michelle Pfeiffer's performance as Catwoman is, there is way more going on around her in this movie than we noticed in 1992. It's worth a rewatch just for the meticulous deconstruction of patriarchy and feminism in her arc.

Honestly, want an in-depth exploration this movie's othering of femaleness and its subsequent violent reaction in the context of a heteronormative society? Check out this episode! Want jokes? That's here too! But you're probably better off with our Power Rangers episode, maybe. Just a warning.

Dec 8, 2015

The guys test their Thorthiness and see if they are equal to the task of lifting the mighty Marvel mintroduction-to-characters-that-will-be-important-in-a-later-movie, Thor (2011). 

Does this movie hold the worst line reading, of the worst line, in the history of cinematic entertainment? What are the mechanics of Mjolnir; like if I put a brick on the gas pedal of a truck and sent it at Thor's hammer, could the truck move it, not being a sentient object? I'm sorry Anthony, what did you say is the central theme to this film?

It is my job guard the entrance to this episode... but I may forsake mine sworn oath and let you listen to it. If you are worthy. Or if he to whom I owe fealty is shown to be corrupt. Or if I am not in the mood to guard things. Or if you ask nicely. Or forcefully. Whatever.



Dec 1, 2015

Get ready kids, cause this ain't yer Daddy's Spider-Man! Oh wait, actually it is. Reboot nothing, we're watching The Amazing Spider-Man! Of the seventies!

Were the people in the seventies so laissez-faire with personal safety they were just handing out flamethrowers and had EMTs just standing there to watch car crash victims suffer? Where does this tv movie get off having one of the most spectacular stunts we've seen in a superhero film to date? And what's a guy gotta do to borrow $46 around here?

Wealth and fame/ He's ignored./ Action is/ probably too much excitement. Pack up your allergy pills, Spider-fans! It's time for some web-slinging, slow-moving, cult-joining, mighty meandering Marvel action!!

Nov 24, 2015

Good evening London. I thought it time we had a little talk. Are you sitting comfortably? Good. It's about 2005's V for Vendetta- wait, come back! 

Is it possible to adapt a story with one very specific political message and graft it to another message entirely? On the other hand, is it possible to do that and lead to a better ending than the original book? Are we bearing witness to the most tacked-on love interest plot in the history of Hollywood film?

Happiness is a prison, dear listeners, and in that prison we may be forever denied a great adaptation of one of Alan Moore's books.

But this is probably as close as we've got, so put on your Anonymous masks and wiki who Guy Fawkes was just like the screenwriters did. Let's get into this thing. 

Nov 17, 2015

The No Time for Heroics podcast welcomes comics artist Paul Tucker of IDW's new series Tet to help them draw up some escape plans after getting trapped inside the labyrinthine puzzle box that is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie.

Are synchronized backflips really the most practical way to get around? Is it possible to be racist against robots? How can some sticks be so dang memorable? (Answer: It's cause they stick... in your head. Laughter.)

CG monsters and robots are out there. They're in your movies, and they want to entertain. But today, one in three podcast hosts suffers from Anthony's Disease, and is physically unable to see horrible CG effects.

If you or someone you know is living with Anthony's Disease, and you'd like to know how you can catch it too, please enjoy this episode.

Also, enjoy Tet from IDW, illustrated by this week's guest Paul Tucker and written by Paul Allor! You can find out more here, or pick it up at Comixology.

Nov 10, 2015

It's our most current episode ever, as the guys check out the series that HE told us to watch with the first two episodes of the newly released Supergirl television series!

Where do all these crabby humans and inept spies get off telling a super-being how to be super? Is it that big a stretch that a girl could be good at things? Why is it considered blasphemy to say 'Superman'? Can one charismatic lead in a killer outfit, and a pack of incredible action scenes, carry an entire series?

There's an awful lot of weight given to male pronouns in this series about a woman. But it's okay,cause HE told us this series would be good. And if anyone knows good it's HIM. That's just what HIM does. You know HE, cause HIM good and great as HE heroic deeds suggest. 

Nov 3, 2015

When does Hulktober come to a close so we can at long last talk about 1993's The Meteor Man? Now. NOW!

The guys take on Robert Townsend's ambitious but failed magnum opus of inner city vigilantism. 

Is blowing coke all over some drug dealers enough of a punishment for their crimes? Do all street gangs really just move around as one block of 40 plus guys and a pet tiger? Is the neighbourhood really that better off now that the Bloods and Crips have a small arsenal of machine guns?

Now all I want to do is see a fight between the Baby Lords and some Baby Lordes. They could just go down to the Tennis Court or whatever kids do nowadays. Whoever wins, you have to admit the results would be funky. 

Oct 27, 2015

It's the pulse-pounding conclusion to Hulktober 2015, and our Gamma-Engorged heroes are taking a trip though the Hulk's animated history!

Hulk '66: A Titan Rides a Train

It's the strangest commute of all! In the '60s, there wasn't a lot of animating happening in tv animation. What was happening was lots of visualized sound effects, and the greatest nerdlinger that ever lived.

Hulk '82: The Tomb of the Unknown Hulk

This episode has it all, Stan Lee narration, Hulk fighting army guys, Hulk tying Doctor Octopus' arms in knots, and a Mexican stereotype taking out an army of Nazis with black pepper and Mexican cooking. 


Hulk '96: Fashion Warriors

In the nineties, they wanted Hulk to be more accessible for young girls, and what did forty-year-old-men-think girls want to see? BIKINI FASHION SHOW. But it's totally okay that these cartoon women spend then entire episode posing in their underwear folks, because they're all accomplished scientists or whatever. Glass ceiling be damned! Wait, wasn't there a Hulk in this show?

Hulktober comes to a puny, Bannerly end with some of the most questionable appearances ol' Jade Jaws ever made for the Saturday morning set. Back to your regularly scheduled No Time for Heroics next week!

Oct 20, 2015

The Green Goliath roars into the extended Marvel cinematic universe in Ed Norton's 2008 love letter to the classic tv series, the Incredible Hulk!

Was it necessary to have a sexy Hulk who is both the colour of, and shredded like, lettuce? What are the logistics of the US Military using a Russian-Polish commando on loan from the British? And why have we had two movies about Hulk fighting clouds but exactly zero with the gamma bomb? 

We don't want to control this podcast. We don't want to use it. We just want to get rid of it or else the military might use it as a weapon. Of course if they ARE using it as a weapon? Whatever, we're good. 

Enjoying Hulktober? Come talk about it on the facebook page!

Oct 13, 2015

Greetings puny listeners!

It's issue two of Hulktober 2015 and the guys are buried up their eyeballs in non-diegetic comic panels flying across the screen in director Ang Lee's somewhat bloated 2003 meditation on rage and fatherhood which is called and could be described as "Hulk".

What is the difference between adapting a story and adapting a medium? How many writers does it take to screw up a script? Is there anything more pleasant than watching a giant green man in purple pants fight a battalion of tanks? Why are trees?

Guys, forget about the bomb. It's '60s genetic engineering you've really got to fear, complete with the awesome might of its gamma irradiated mushroom cloud. OF MEMORIES. 

Oct 6, 2015

No Time for Heroics wishes you a Smashing HULKTOBER First!


Every week this month the No Time for Heroics podcast will feature a different Hulk movie to celebrate superherodom's favorite monster in the lead up to Halloween.


This week, we revisit the tv movie that revisits the classic live-action series starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, The Incredible Hulk Returns!


Do tech companies just pass out laboratories to suspicious drifters with no past and a degree in radiobiology? What's more embarrassing, having to scream ODIN every now and then or being caught passed out wearing nothing but torn pants in your girlfriend's flower bed? Is Thor right that terrible, eternal, waking death is preferable to being in this movie?


Join the No Time for Heroics podcast as we go green for only the first in a four part jade giant-sized spectacular with the first episode of Hulktober!

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