No Time For Heroics

A podcast about superhero movies, and some not-so-super hero movies. A funny, critical look at heroic fiction on screen from Republic serials to Imax blockbusters. If tights, capes, and close reads of pop culture are your thing, you're in the right place. New episode every Tuesday!
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No Time For Heroics




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May 23, 2017

We've talked about it enough, so we might as well do it. We gather for a meeting with Jesse Codner to discuss 1990's Dick Tracy.

What the heck does everyone in this movie have against Tess Trueheart? What was the name of that lizard dog in Star Wars? No, the other lizard dog. What is the secret behind the incalculable, alluring animal magnetism of Mumbles?

You should really go check out Ivory and Horn's amazing replica wrist radio, pick up a sweet watch, and help them (and Andrew) put together a REAL working wrist radio for 2018! 

Then go watch Dick Tracy again while wearing it. No, YOU'RE a dork. Tracy.

May 16, 2017

Duck putties. Anyway, turns out 70's Japanese Spider-Man is a lot cooler than yours.

Did Power Rangers actually rip off the idea of giant robots from Spider-man? How much cooler would Spider-man be if he just screamed "I am an emissary of HELL!" before attacking people? Are all spiders this vindictive? Do spiders have nipples?

Recording this episode is full of gross discoveries and revelations, but the Supaidaman show is pretty great. Yeah yeah yeah WOW.

May 2, 2017

For this terrifying tale of spooks, monsters, and money laundry, Justin Tucker from the upcoming Monster Squad Minute joins us to tackle one of the great legendary team-ups we never expected to see when Scooby Doo meets Batman and Robin!

Why does a cartoon have a laugh track? Is the Wayne Corporation in the business of putting well-meaning amusement parks out of business? How many Casey Kasem's can we cram into one cartoon? Was Joker a part of the Weapon X program? Just how hot are Anthony's attractive cousins?
Time to find out who the REAL world's greatest detective is: Batman v Velma Dinkley. Fight!
Apr 25, 2017

The trailer for Thor: Ragnarok broke the internet! I guess? Do the kids still say that?

Anyway, we take a look at the new Guardiansised Thor and the idea of movie trailers in general, what works, what doesn't, what they should give away and what they should avoid a all costs.

Plus! We revisit our first One Shot and reveal what we thought about Rogue One, and Poke fun at live shot-for-shot remakes of cartoons. And also compare ourselves and fan culture in general to the oceanic food chain. Oops!

Apr 18, 2017

Heading back to the beginning of the modern superhero movie era with the movie that probably deserves the most credit for that, 1998's Blade!

How did this movie manage to rip-off the Matrix two years before the Matrix came out? Have you ever been a kid trying to sneak into an R-rated movie only to get booted by an infamous bemulleted ticket-taker? What are the mechanics of the vampire reproductive system? And what of the scourge of Renfields infiltrating our police departments?

Why even bother trying to listen to this podcast, it's untranslatable, and- oh, what? it's been translated by a computer? And also a sexagenarian mechanic with a machine gun? Okay then. Party on.

Apr 11, 2017

When Scott Bakula gets a schnoz full of space gas (*spass) he develops the ability to regenerate indefinitely, becomes I-Man, and decides to A. never have that name mentioned in this movie, and B. do what any self-respecting modern superhero would do, and become a spy.

Lots of movies have musical themes for the superhero, but how many have themes for the superpowers? What does Star Trek's Kevin Uxbridge have against the Golden Gate Bridge? Is there a better eggs-based insult than "Eggs Benedict Arnold"?

Welcome to Andrew's childhood obscure VHS collection! Blazers with lasers for all!

Mar 14, 2017

This summer we're getting a brand new rebooted Spider-Man, so we decided to all the way back to the beginning and visit the first time we got a brand new rebooted Spider-Man with 2012's The Amazing Spider-Man!

Does this movie have a more streamlined, dare we say, BETTER origin story than the original? Were Peter Parker's Mom and Dad open about being closet kinksters? Why was Anthony's high school constantly being 21 Jump Streeted by narcs?

How insecure does a movie have to be to tell you that it is amazing before you've even seen it? Still, it was nice to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man by making more Spider-Men. Classy.

Mar 7, 2017

We take a dip in bubbling, poisonous, mutating, burning 80s hot tubs and come out the other side changed into a shambling mockery of a podcast that decides to watch 1984's The Toxic Avenger!

Why is this horrific movie shot so well? Is it really a car chase if the guy chasing is on top of the car? Would you quit a movie if they made you point a shotgun at a baby?

What other extremely inappropriate movies could be made into cartoons? Saw and Pals? The Texas Chainsaw U.S.Acres? How about Eyes Wide Shut as a really explicit Care Bears? 5-4-3-2-1 FIDELIO!

Feb 28, 2017

We're back to heroes of myth and legend with the epochal cornerstone of western literature, the Anglo-Saxon epic Beowulf! But this ain't your daddy's Beowulf, oh no! It's a bizarre techno-feudalist medieval gas-powered low budget direct-to-VHS tour de force staring everyone's favorite Highlander, Christopher Lambert!

Who would win in a fight between Beowulf and Siegfried? Should Mortal Kombat be the template for further adaptations of classic literature? Why are we wasting the presence of Mac from Night Court? Was that Beowulf v Siegfried joke the most obscure reference we've done on the show? 

Grendel's mom has got it going on, but she's no match for the power of techno-feudal natural gas! But really, who is?

Feb 21, 2017

Since we're gluttons for punishment, GLUTTONS I say, we dive back into the franchise for which we've received the most hate mail with Hellboy II: The Golden Army!

Did we really need a sexy shower scene with just Hellboy in? Why hasn't Luke Goss become a bigger name actor? How weirded out were you by Andrew's bizarre fascination with the sound of fake teeth? What is the very real, deadly, increasing, and persistent danger of bees?

Feel free to head over to the Facebook page to tell us what you think about our Hellboy episodes. Or to defend us from people doing that!

Feb 14, 2017

It's an all-new, all-different Batman when Joel Schumacher takes the reins for 1995's Batman Forever!

Is it redundant to have boiling acid as a trap,rather than just acid? What kind of paperwork do you have to go through to adopt a 40-year-old man? Does the frenetic neon-pop style of this movie mask a really nuanced take on childhood trauma?

Get ready for the big reveal of Andrew's secret Jim Carrey obsession, Anthony's appreciation of Robin's sweet threads, and Ainsley vanishing completely to go do something meaningful with her time and not have to watch Batman Forever!

Jan 24, 2017

Anthony is dancing the deathy dance of deadly lifey death and also sick, so it's down to just Andrew and Ainsley to tackle the early 2000s Adult Swim series, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law!

Can we tell jokes about race without being racist? What does making a superhero a lawyer say about forcing mature themes into kids stories for an aging audience? Did you get that thing I sencha?

Where the heck is Michael Keaton in this? Whatever. Get ready to have jokes mercilessly ruined as we pick them apart to try and piece together the descent of the modern superhero from mighty adventurer to workaday schlub!

Jan 17, 2017

We (finally) get to Ainsley's Christmas wish with the gorgeous, epic masterpiece of wuxia cinema 2002's Hero, from director Zhang Yimou.

How different are cultural definitions of heroism (and superheroism) between the US and China?Has any superhero movie in the last two decades come close to this in a subtle exploration of what it means to be a hero? How much does this movie's ideas about heroism blatantly rip off Spock?

This episode includes shoutouts to the music of Rasa, Matthew Polly's American Shaolin, and the short film Deadhearts, so your media needs for the next week are basically filled.

Dec 20, 2016

Yeah, so this weeks episode literally got snowed out... thrice. 


So while we dig ourselves out and figure that out, here's a wee talk about what Ainsley and Andrew find troublesome about the 'Verse in Firefly (even though one of them still totally loves it.)


Dec 13, 2016

Anthony finally gets his wish and gets to do the movie he's been waiting for since before episode one: Scott Pilgrim vs the World!

Is it possible to make a comic, (or a work in any soundless medium) about music? On the other hand, can you adapt comics as a medium to a movie if the original was adapting video games as a medium to comics? What is the best hipster movie of all time? Does is make more sense for Scott to end up with Knives?

Is this a superhero movie? Our listeners say yes. Andrew says no! Plus: just wait till we talk about the book without the game in the movie of the book. You're going to really regret asking us to talk about this.

Dec 6, 2016

It's been a rough 2016, so we're treating ourselves to a month of Christmas wishes, starting with Andrew's wish: one of his childhood VHS rentals all the way from Wales, Superted!

Will we discover the secret of Superted's secret word? How many Doctor Who mainstays can we fit into this cast? How big of a rascal is former Secretary General of Egyptian Antiquities Zahi Hawass? And what the heck is up with hibernation? That's a bear's REAL superpower.

Come visit Planet Spot: "It's sort of a Smurf thing!" Then come back for Anthony's Christmas wish next week, revealed at the end of this episode!

Nov 29, 2016

NOVENGERS concludes with our reevaluation of the much maligned sequel to Marvel's The Avengers, the substantially more sensibly titled Avengers: Age of Ultron (Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire).

Is Age of Ultron an underrated, better put together movie than the better received first installment in this series? Has Stan Lee reached Stanception here by taking credit for Jack Kirby's war record as well as his comics? How often can you point out that the heroes are irresponsible city-destroying living disasters before we stop rooting for them? Does a SHIELD spy contract come with a starter family and farmhouse all inclusive?

PLUS! We rewrite half the movie to give it a facelift. Also, some weird sound stuff happens for a bit in the middle of this one, but not for long! Not even for as long as Quicksilver lasted in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Thanks Joss!

Nov 22, 2016

This is it! One of the biggest, most ambitious superhero movies ever made, it changed the business and made "shared universe" the watchwords for green-eyed Hollywood producers for years to come. The epic finale of Novengers begins with The Avengers 2012!

Are the Chitauri the perennial alien-ex-machina of the Marvel universe? Which media mogul just called up a tv station he owned to order them to play nothing but 60s Spider-man all day? Who is the Wonder Woman of the Avengers? And exactly how much of this plot just had no reason for being other than looking cool or building to a good line? Not that we're complaining... okay, well, not that people who aren't named Anthony are complaining.

This movie might cut a little close to home, with a boorish, self-centered billionaire saving us all and beat the most heroic among us to the punch. Oops! All this and a special dispatch from our girl in the field, Jill Butler! Also Loki. Rawr.

Nov 15, 2016

Welp, two of our number are laid up with the flu, and also just got a very pokey puppy who it turns out is more of a DC girl (see below).

So instead of a new show, we're taking the Avengers (and our show) back where it began with episode seven: 2008's Iron Man!

Be sure to stay tuned for next week and part one of our epic NOVENGERS finale as we take on Avengers 2012!

Nov 8, 2016

Get ready for a huge steaming pile of Cap!

For part two of NOVENGERS, the crew takes on their most requested movie and checks out the infamous 1990 feature Captain America.

Is Cap a bad enough dude to rescue the President? Is Italian Red Skull spending his spare time tickling the ivories of a nuclear piano? And are we finally seeing a Marvel Comics/ Condorman crossover!?

Happy election day America! Let's hope you make the right decision at the polls and vote where it really counts: for No Time for Heroics on iTunes!

Nov 1, 2016

It's the first episode of NOVENGERS as all this month the crew checks out Avengersish movies leading up to our two-part Avengers/Avengers 2 spectacular! First up, this ain't not your daddy's Nick Fury with David Hasselhoff slipping into the eyepatch to give 'er a whirl for the 1998 tv movie Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD

Is there ever any reason to built a cryo-prison? How bad does Hasselhoff need to pee? Why do Ainsley and Anthony know so much about tree frogs?

Find out in part one of NOVENGERS!


Oct 25, 2016

It's Halloween! And around these parts, we like to spook it spook it.

So this episode the crew steps a little outside their genre and matches wits with the bastard son of horror and superheroics: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors!

Is this whole series a metaphor for an older generation attempting to impose rules and ideals on the younger? Does the NT4H crew have the dream powers it'll take to take down Freddy Krueger?

Plus! Could Wolverine take Freddy? Could Jason take Michael Meyers? Not in a Manhattan way, like pugilistically speaking.

Oct 18, 2016

For our official Creepy Clown Watch 2016 episode, we welcome back Ainsley Hawthorn and invite her to become the Hermione of our podcast team (and argue over who's Ron enough to take the heat) just in time to throw her in at the deep end with a good old-fashioned Halloween hazing, forcing her to watch 1997's Spawn.

How many sheiks does a party need for it to tip over into being an evil party? How tall is Martin Sheen? And why the heck isn't Michael Jai White starring in all the movies?

Come back to the hey-day of Wizard Magazine, variant covers, and a plucky little upstart comic company that stood up for the noble idea that an artist could own and profit from their work, took that momentum and made Spawn with it.

Oct 11, 2016

All the world is waiting for her! And we're going to have to keep waiting, because this 2011 Wonder Woman staring Adrianne Palicki is never, ever being released. Jesse Codner's back from our Green Lantern episode to talk about another pilot that crashed and burned.

What exactly is Wonder Woman's corporation in the business of, other than scholarships, baseless accusations, and sex dolls? Is this Wonder Woman more of a Trump or a Bush in regards to unilateral flouting of the law? Will we ever have a conversation about what Wonder Woman's all about that goes beyond whether or not she wears pants?

Finally, we get to listen to what what three men have to say about about the pros and cons of the greatest female superhero of all. Ugh. Sorry. Spoilers: Adrianne Palicki was a great Wonder Woman. Spoilers? The script. That's what spoiled it.


Oct 4, 2016

The transformation of the superhero into James Bond that was started in Condorman (yay) comes to fruition with 2005's Batman Begins.

How is this movie just a long-form adaptation of a ethical thought experiment called the Trolley Problem? Why on Earth is Ken Watanabe such a poor judge of friends? How badly does Bruce Wayne fail at sticking to his own morals? And welcome back to the show Liam Neeson as fearsome Irish ninja Ra's O'Ghul.

Andrew and Anthony are more than men now, they are a symbol. An idea. How did they power this transition? With FEAR. Because all creatures fear, and the idea of fearful symbols that men fear just frigging cannot be killed. Therefore, we are using our newfound unkillability to just pig out on wings all day and not even care. 


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