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No Time For Heroics

A podcast about superhero movies, and some not-so-super hero movies. A funny, critical look at heroic fiction on screen from Republic serials to Imax blockbusters. If tights, capes, and close reads of pop culture are your thing, you're in the right place. New episode every Tuesday!
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Now displaying: 2017
May 2, 2017

For this terrifying tale of spooks, monsters, and money laundry, Justin Tucker from the upcoming Monster Squad Minute joins us to tackle one of the great legendary team-ups we never expected to see when Scooby Doo meets Batman and Robin!

 
Why does a cartoon have a laugh track? Is the Wayne Corporation in the business of putting well-meaning amusement parks out of business? How many Casey Kasem's can we cram into one cartoon? Was Joker a part of the Weapon X program? Just how hot are Anthony's attractive cousins?
 
Time to find out who the REAL world's greatest detective is: Batman v Velma Dinkley. Fight!
Apr 25, 2017

The trailer for Thor: Ragnarok broke the internet! I guess? Do the kids still say that?

Anyway, we take a look at the new Guardiansised Thor and the idea of movie trailers in general, what works, what doesn't, what they should give away and what they should avoid a all costs.

Plus! We revisit our first One Shot and reveal what we thought about Rogue One, and Poke fun at live shot-for-shot remakes of cartoons. And also compare ourselves and fan culture in general to the oceanic food chain. Oops!

Apr 18, 2017

Heading back to the beginning of the modern superhero movie era with the movie that probably deserves the most credit for that, 1998's Blade!

How did this movie manage to rip-off the Matrix two years before the Matrix came out? Have you ever been a kid trying to sneak into an R-rated movie only to get booted by an infamous bemulleted ticket-taker? What are the mechanics of the vampire reproductive system? And what of the scourge of Renfields infiltrating our police departments?

Why even bother trying to listen to this podcast, it's untranslatable, and- oh, what? it's been translated by a computer? And also a sexagenarian mechanic with a machine gun? Okay then. Party on.

Apr 11, 2017

When Scott Bakula gets a schnoz full of space gas (*spass) he develops the ability to regenerate indefinitely, becomes I-Man, and decides to A. never have that name mentioned in this movie, and B. do what any self-respecting modern superhero would do, and become a spy.

Lots of movies have musical themes for the superhero, but how many have themes for the superpowers? What does Star Trek's Kevin Uxbridge have against the Golden Gate Bridge? Is there a better eggs-based insult than "Eggs Benedict Arnold"?

Welcome to Andrew's childhood obscure VHS collection! Blazers with lasers for all!

Mar 14, 2017

This summer we're getting a brand new rebooted Spider-Man, so we decided to all the way back to the beginning and visit the first time we got a brand new rebooted Spider-Man with 2012's The Amazing Spider-Man!

Does this movie have a more streamlined, dare we say, BETTER origin story than the original? Were Peter Parker's Mom and Dad open about being closet kinksters? Why was Anthony's high school constantly being 21 Jump Streeted by narcs?

How insecure does a movie have to be to tell you that it is amazing before you've even seen it? Still, it was nice to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man by making more Spider-Men. Classy.

Mar 7, 2017

We take a dip in bubbling, poisonous, mutating, burning 80s hot tubs and come out the other side changed into a shambling mockery of a podcast that decides to watch 1984's The Toxic Avenger!

Why is this horrific movie shot so well? Is it really a car chase if the guy chasing is on top of the car? Would you quit a movie if they made you point a shotgun at a baby?

What other extremely inappropriate movies could be made into cartoons? Saw and Pals? The Texas Chainsaw U.S.Acres? How about Eyes Wide Shut as a really explicit Care Bears? 5-4-3-2-1 FIDELIO!

Feb 28, 2017

We're back to heroes of myth and legend with the epochal cornerstone of western literature, the Anglo-Saxon epic Beowulf! But this ain't your daddy's Beowulf, oh no! It's a bizarre techno-feudalist medieval gas-powered low budget direct-to-VHS tour de force staring everyone's favorite Highlander, Christopher Lambert!

Who would win in a fight between Beowulf and Siegfried? Should Mortal Kombat be the template for further adaptations of classic literature? Why are we wasting the presence of Mac from Night Court? Was that Beowulf v Siegfried joke the most obscure reference we've done on the show? 

Grendel's mom has got it going on, but she's no match for the power of techno-feudal natural gas! But really, who is?

Feb 21, 2017

Since we're gluttons for punishment, GLUTTONS I say, we dive back into the franchise for which we've received the most hate mail with Hellboy II: The Golden Army!

Did we really need a sexy shower scene with just Hellboy in? Why hasn't Luke Goss become a bigger name actor? How weirded out were you by Andrew's bizarre fascination with the sound of fake teeth? What is the very real, deadly, increasing, and persistent danger of bees?

Feel free to head over to the Facebook page to tell us what you think about our Hellboy episodes. Or to defend us from people doing that!

Feb 14, 2017

It's an all-new, all-different Batman when Joel Schumacher takes the reins for 1995's Batman Forever!

Is it redundant to have boiling acid as a trap,rather than just acid? What kind of paperwork do you have to go through to adopt a 40-year-old man? Does the frenetic neon-pop style of this movie mask a really nuanced take on childhood trauma?

Get ready for the big reveal of Andrew's secret Jim Carrey obsession, Anthony's appreciation of Robin's sweet threads, and Ainsley vanishing completely to go do something meaningful with her time and not have to watch Batman Forever!

Jan 24, 2017

Anthony is dancing the deathy dance of deadly lifey death and also sick, so it's down to just Andrew and Ainsley to tackle the early 2000s Adult Swim series, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law!

Can we tell jokes about race without being racist? What does making a superhero a lawyer say about forcing mature themes into kids stories for an aging audience? Did you get that thing I sencha?

Where the heck is Michael Keaton in this? Whatever. Get ready to have jokes mercilessly ruined as we pick them apart to try and piece together the descent of the modern superhero from mighty adventurer to workaday schlub!

Jan 17, 2017

We (finally) get to Ainsley's Christmas wish with the gorgeous, epic masterpiece of wuxia cinema 2002's Hero, from director Zhang Yimou.

How different are cultural definitions of heroism (and superheroism) between the US and China?Has any superhero movie in the last two decades come close to this in a subtle exploration of what it means to be a hero? How much does this movie's ideas about heroism blatantly rip off Spock?

This episode includes shoutouts to the music of Rasa, Matthew Polly's American Shaolin, and the short film Deadhearts, so your media needs for the next week are basically filled.

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