No Time For Heroics

A podcast about superhero movies, and some not-so-super hero movies. A funny, critical look at heroic fiction on screen from Republic serials to Imax blockbusters. If tights, capes, and close reads of pop culture are your thing, you're in the right place. New episode every Tuesday!
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No Time For Heroics




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Jun 21, 2016

Andrew's been hurt before in his long-standing relationship with Sam Raimi. But maybe if they just get back together for an afternoon of Darkman (1990) and hash out their differences, they can make it work. Maybe?

If Darkman's masks degrade in the daylight, why does Darkman never do anything at night? Would it have made Durant a more evil-seeming villain if he was building dioramas of famous scenes from history out of taxidermied mice? How is it that Sam Raimi was so effectively able to turn Liam Neeson into Bruce Campbell, both literally and figuratively? And how the heck do 3D printers work!?

What is it about Darkman? What Secrets does he hold? We're going to find out today, but spoilers? Mostly those secrets are crispy and melodramatic. 

Jun 14, 2016

Welcome to an episode of No Time for Heroics that is THE SAME... yet somehow changed... as we head back to 16 bit world of Super Nintendo and the superhero-killing world of 1994 with the Death and Return of Superman.

What does a game (and storyline) in which Superman kills two people say about him as a hero? Could Sonic Blast Man be a member of Kickers Inc.? Is it a fashion faux pas to say you liked leather jacket era Superboy? Did anyone get that Kickers Inc. reference?

In the course of recording this episode, both Anthony and Andrew died, and were replaced by four impostors. Oh wait, isn't that eight impostors? That's probably too many. Also, we totally had extra mans, so it was no biggie.

Jun 7, 2016

We're welcoming Disney Animators Ross Blocher (Frozen, Big Hero 6, and also of Oh No Ross and Carrie) and Dale Baer (of The Rescuers, The Lord of the Rings, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Lion King, and oh yeah, today's movie to name a few) for our first foray into the heroes of myth and legend with Disney's 1973 classic Robin Hood!

Why is Little John played by Baloo? Why did Walt Disney hate 101 Dalmatians? What's the terrible secret of Prince John's mother? What's the deal with Don Bluth?

It's legends talking legends as we get deep into the history of Robin Hood movies, cartoons, and the Walt Disney Animation department, post Walt Disney. 

May 31, 2016

Get ready for some high stakes espionage action as Andrew and Anthony welcome back Pepper Pistolwhip, (in her disguise as mild mannered Jill Butler) to talk about Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Would you watch a movie about Cap just reading a book about Watergate going "Guys, wtf?"And just what the heck is a Winter Soldier? Is it like a Summer Soldier, just in the Cold War? So what's Spring Soldier, like a mattress or something? OMG guys, sleeper cells!

All this plus Andrew's wife Ainsley tries to remember what the heck happened in this movie based on one viewing a while ago. Spoilers: Black Widow was in it.

May 24, 2016

It's game night at No Time for Heroics, and the guys are checking out Capcom's 1994 beat-em-up X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse for the Super Nintendo.

Shouldn't Apocalypse be in the game with his name on it? How pleasurable would a surprise encounter with the Brood on some cheery day be? Who's the treasurer of the Hellfire Club? Why is Gambit so... so cool you guys?

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut! But we did, I guess. Join us as we jump on the bandwagon and do our very first video game review!

May 17, 2016

On this episode the guys check out Mark Millar and Matthew Vaughn's IRL superhero "black comedy" Kick-Ass!

Is it possible to have a mafia that's just a whole room of Tony Sopranos? Is it necessary to have a minute long screed convincing us that teens masturbate at the drop of a hat? Does Hit Girl just serve as a catharsis ex machina? Why the hell hasn't Andrew seen Breakfast Club?

Roger Ebert said about this movie "Shall I have feelings, or should I pretend to be cool?" and I guess we don't haven any feelings either, because we're just the coolest cats around, dig? Not like Ebert cool. Cooler than a jet pack, but not as cool as Nicolas Cage doing an Adam West impression. (So cool).

May 10, 2016

Come back with us to a time when newspapers had the death of Superman on the front page (beneath the fold) and Nicolas Cage was prime non-skullfaced hero potential with a documentary about what could have been, The Death of Superman Lives.

Is it possible that Superman Lives would've been a better movie than the ones we got? What is it about Kevin Spacey that makes everyone want to cast him as Lex Luthor? Are we the only ones okay with a movie in which Superman fights a giant space spider? How many people not in this movie have put Tim Burton in a headlock?

And hey, now that you've heard the episode, you should check out the documentary if you haven't already! You can pick it up in the format of your choice right here. It's a real labour of love on the part of director Jon Schnepp, so head over there and help support it!

May 3, 2016

We take on The Strangest Super-Heroes of All (tm) and check outone of the movies responsible for making the cinema comic-friendly,2000's X-Men.

What do Canadians do for fun that isn't beating people to pulp in acage? What does this movie have to say of the influence of the homevideo market on theatrical cinema? Is "naked" a valid characterchoice?

To ME my X-Listeners! Oh wait, that sounds like ex- listeners. Andwe don't want that at all! For we just love you all so verymuch.

Apr 26, 2016

Artist Jesse Codner is on the show to teach us the ways of Ryan Reynolds. Those ways are green and fibrous. At least according to 2011's Green Lantern.

Why is "xenobiologist" a profession in a world that has never encountered aliens? At what CG effects saturation point does a live action movie just become a cartoon? Is it necessary for a hero to be a mess that treats women as disposable sex toys to be truly heroic?

Too bad this movie did so poorly. Now they'll never let Ryan Reynolds start in another superhero movie. Oh well!

Apr 19, 2016

Let's have some real talk, Americans. What the heck is a homecoming? Is it like a prom, only homier? That's just one of the questions stumping your Canadian hosts after watching 2005's Sky High.

Is this kid's Mom trying to get him hooked up with the school president? How does this manage to be Twilight before there was a Twilight? Is this the biggest Kids in the Hall reunion in recent years? Why the heck isn't Kurt Russell starring in all the movies?

Enough of these broody, slaughtery modern heroes... let's get all bubble-gum popish with 2005's X-Men-Batman '66-Harry Potter mash-up, Sky High!



Apr 12, 2016

An ozsploitation superhero musical with Alan Arkin, Christopher Lee, and music from Richard O'Brien of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' fame? Sometimes the mere fact of a movie existing is a miracle in itself, and that's the case with 1983's forgotten collection of weirdness, the Return of Captain Invincible!

Did the folks that did The Incredibles just lift the beginning of this movie wholesale? Does every deli owner in Manhattan just have a machine gun fish lying around just in case? Can a movie with a song made up entirely of the word "bullshit" say something serious about the post-heroic age?

What the world needs now is a shining hero! What the world needed back then was something else I guess, cause only like five people saw this. Into the blue for crissake!


Apr 8, 2016

Well, the audio gods were not kind to us this week and ate our episode. It was totally going to be sweet too, you woulda loved it. Oh well!

Instead we decided to roll out a new feature we're going to have from time to time, the No Time for Heroics ONE SHOT!

These'll be just a brief discussion on anything that doesn't fit the format of the show, but that we think you might like anyway.

And what better way to start with Andrew and Anthony sitting down to watch the new trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One!

Enjoy! Barring more smiting, we'll be back to your regular programming next week.

Mar 29, 2016

On this episode, Andrew gets to realize a lifelong ambition and prove that the short-lived 1984 cult(?) cartoon Turbo-Teen actually existed! Spoilers? It did.

Did anyone remember this show existed except for Andrew and David Willis? How good a scientist was Charles Bronson? Has there ever, EVER in the history of television been a better title on an episode than 'Dark Rider and the Wolves of Doom'?  What does the reality of a boy who IS his car say about our own awareness of the self and extended cognition in the context of vehicular operation?

Thanks to this episode, No Time for Heroics broke the world record for most mentions of Robot Man and Friends on a podcast! One! Join us for a who's who of obscure '80s cartoon references, and a special appearance by Ronald Reagan! 


Mar 22, 2016

On this episode we get to torture Andrew by making him once again watch 2013's DC cinematic universe founding slobbery smish-fest, Man of Steel!

Is it possible to make a good Superman movie without a superhero in it? Does it add a lot to Jor El's character to have him do HALO drops from a dragon (electric guitar squeal)? And speaking of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, could it be a better idea to just debut a universe of familiar heroes in two movies rather than stretch it out for five or six of varying quality?

All this, plus a movie that dislikes Superman makes the best Superman injoke ever made! PS: We're spoiling Miracleman for you this episode too, amongst the usual stuff we spoil every episode. One thing we haven't spoiled? Spoiler, who got killed by a power drill. Oh, shoot...

Mar 15, 2016

The guys polish off Marvel Phase One with Iron Man 2!

How the hell does the presence of a single, highly assassinateable superhero result in total world peace? Wouldn't you be in a lot more trouble than this movie seems to think if your blood was 56% something other than blood? Could we not have had an awesome garagepunk, Mythbusters-esque scene of Tony Stark inventing failed cures until finally finding the right one instead of a Walt Disney ex machina? Do these movies have a grudge with Gwyneth Paltrow, or just girls in general?

All that and the No Time for Heroics winning fight prediction between Mike Tyson vs a Car. Plus, Where do you rank Iron Man 2 in the Marvel Phase One Scale? The No Time for Heroics answer might surprise you!

Mar 8, 2016

No Time for Heroics is going back to the source and checking out the first superhero to ever make the leap from page to screen in 1941's The Adventures of Captain Marvel. 

What's the theology of an american superhero with Judeo-Hellenic powers coming from an Egyptian tomb in Siam? What do Billy Batson's friends and Downton Abbey have in common? Have we improved on superhero movies in the last seventy years since this came out? Oh man, what if we haven't? There's suddenly a lot of pressure on this episode. Yikes.

I'll be back in a sec, I've gotta go deliver this scorpion to the Scorpion. He's over on the peak of the Scorpion. Hope he doesn't get stung. It's bee season.


Mar 1, 2016

On this episode, Caroline Fulford of the Loose Canon Podcast is here to calmly talk us down off the ledge we got out on when we accidentally caught sight of 2004's Halle Berry-starring Catwoman.

Is this Catwoman just a closet Cosmo Sex Tip writer? Could a thesis based entirely on immortal magical cat magic stand up to peer review? Is the moral of this story that women can never truly be free of patriarchy unless they get superpowers? And why the hell is this the only female-centric superhero movie of the twenty-first century?

Only the host of Loose Canon can helps us survive the most loosely canonical movie of them all!

Plus: Anthony uses Catwoman to curse his friends! WHAT A PAL.

Feb 23, 2016

FANTASTIC FEBRUARY comes to a close with what's been called the best Fantastic Four movie yet made, 2004's Fantastic Fourless The Incredibles!

Is it possible to do a classic, upbeat superhero movie that isn't set decades ago? What do Syndrome and Kylo Ren have in common? Is Brad Bird a closet Objectivist?Does this movie have the most subtle takedown of stereotypical gender roles we've seen?

Join us for perhaps the most in-depth episode into what makes a superhero tick that we've had on the show. Plus: Anthony likes a CG movie? No probably not!

Feb 16, 2016

On this third installment of Fantastic February, Mark Denine from Escape Quest joins us as we slog through the movie that leeches all sense of the fantastic out of the world, 2015's Fant4stic Four.

Why does everyone look down and pout when they are being addressed? Is Dr. Doom made cooler and more hip because he's been transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop? Could Sue Storm be almost as good as Anthony at Mike Tyson's Punch-Out? Speaking of which, has Anthony ever been this angry about a movie before?

This is a rough one, folks, taking our heroes to the very brink of sanity, stamina and sad-sackery. But make sure to listen till the end of the episode for a special escape room offer from Escape Quest for No Time for Heroics listeners! At least there's some good to come out of this thing...

Feb 9, 2016

For the next quarter-portion of FANTASTIC FEBRUARY, we're taking a close look at the movie that stopped it all, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer!

Being a sequel in which Revelations about the Rise cause a Revolution, which leads to a Fall. Of the franchise. Will there be a Return? or a Revenge of? No.

Why are the preposterous contact lenses on Sue Storm the least objectionably sexist thing about her character? Is adapting Galactus as a featureless cloud just the cinematic equivalent of Wite-Out? And we agree with Johnny, how DO Thing and Alicia... y'know...

Charge up your satellite dish and beam this episode to your PDA, cause it's the FUTURE damnit! And we've got to get all this science stuff done before all the women folk make us get married. HURRY!



Jan 30, 2016

This episode we launch FANTASTIC FEBRUARY a month of mighty (and minor) Marvel movies featuring the first family of funnybooks. And let me tell you, we've got a few Things to watch. 

We're starting with the movie that failed to start it all, the 1994 unreleased, Roger Corman produced The Fantastic Four!

Have we uncovered a B-movie Marvel Cinematic Universe shared between this and Captain America II: Death too Soon? Why hasn't anyone done Police Academy: Xavier's School for Mutants yet? And let's be honest... how much better would this movie had been if Reed married Doom at the end.

We've got four big episodes featuring the fouringest heroes around! Check us out on facebook, and remember to help out the show by rating and reviewing it on whatever platform you found us!

Jan 26, 2016

On this episode film and media scholar Jill Butler joins us to check in with our ol' Uncle Sam, and see who must surely be the most primary Avenger of them all in Captain America: The First Avenger!

Is this the only superhero movie in this so-called golden age of superhero movies with damn superhero in it? What's with all this Hydra stuff? Weren't there some other bad guys we were fighting back then? #notmyworldwarII And hey Marvel what's wrong? Not MAN enough to call your Cosmic Cube a Cosmic Cube? 

Do you want to kill Nazis? Well too bad, there aren't any in this movie. We asked for an army, and all we got was yeeu. All we got was EEEEEyoooooo. Sorry, I've been trying to say it like Tommy Lee Jones all night and it's just not happening. 


Jan 19, 2016

Someone figure out the secret of the ooze, because No Time for Heroics is diving face first into a pile of mutant madness with the very first X-Men movie!

No, not that one. This ain't yer snikty-bamf X-Men, okay? This is the grungy, angsty, you-don't-understand-me-dad teen X-Men featured in Fox's movie of the week 1996's Generation X!

Did Matt Frewer just eye Jim Carrey's career and say "Why not me?" Did the screenwriters just eye Jim Carrey in Batman Forever and say "Why not us?" Did Jim Carrey ever eye this scene where Jubilee has to strip to get a body scan and say "Why the hell is this scene happening?" Cause that's what we did. 

Okay, this isn't the "first" X-Men movie, but it certainly has the seed of that idea. You might say, it was the... inception of an X-Men franchise. In fact you could say following up on this movie was a dream crime. Or that it was starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Except that last part.

Jan 12, 2016

Welcome to Star-Lord Minute. It's the super-sized titanic cosmic team-up show, as No Time for Heroics welcomes Star Wars Minute hosts Pete the Retailer and Alex Robinson to discuss the most superheroic space opera of them all, 2014's Guardians of the Galaxy!

Could the planet Morag be in the same star system as the forest moon of Endor? Will we ever get closer than this to seeing a movie staring Eson the Searcher? Is Thanos ever going to get out of that chair he's been in for a dozen movies now? 

All this and the true identity of Star-Lord's father! Then, head over to Star Wars Minute and listen to Pete and Alex bravely match wits with Jar Jar Binks as they tackle the Star Wars Prequels one minute at a time. They fight so we don't have to!


Jan 5, 2016

This muck-encrusted mockery of a podcast we take a look at Wes Craven's pre-Nightmare on Elm Street DC Comics adaptation Swamp Thing.


Is Alec Holland married to his sister in this? Why couldn't we have an awesome "Swamp Thing and Jude" spin off? Does Bruno's shirt possess an animalistic thirst for survival at the end of the movie? Who are any of these people?


This podcast is played as intricately and precisely as a perfect game played by a genius chess master. So jam it in your ears and lets visit the rubberiest of heroes, Swamp Thing!

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